Why?
by Twilight Phantom Dragon
Summary: Dear Raven, I'm sorry... I'm leaving. He broke free. I lost control. And he did some bad things. Some very bad things. Oneshot, BBxRae


**Author's Notes: My first Teen Titans fic and my first one-shot. I feel so proud xD Anyway; I couldn't resist not doing this idea. It's been nagging at my mind for quite some time. You know those story ideas that won't leave you alone until you write them. I'm thinking about writing a chapter Teen Titans fanfic soon, so I can consider this as a warm-up to help me out. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Titans, Cartoon Network and DC comics do. All I own is this story.**

--

_**Why?**_

It started out as a regular mission. The Titans needed to stop a bank robbery. The crooks were a pair of men in black sweatshirts, pants, and hats. Regular men who should've been easy to beat for the Titans. The Titans were certainly stronger than the men. The fight hadn't even started when all chaos broke out.

With two bags stuffed with cash on each man's shoulders, the pair ran off into an alleyway of all places. It was narrow. The alley stunk of garbage, drugs, and things you wouldn't want to know about. The Titans followed, ignoring the stench. They had a mission to do.

Robin was in the front, following the men on foot. Starfire was right above Robin with her eyes glowing green. Beast Boy followed Robin in the form of a jaguar. Raven was levitating close to the ground, magic already surrounding her hands. Cyborg brought up the rear. His right arm had taken the form of his sonic cannon. The Titans knew this alley. It would lead to a dead end, a large wall. They didn't attack yet. Maybe the men would surrender when they reached the wall.

The men continued to run before skidding to a break. They both let out a stream of curses as they stared at the offending wall. The wall stared back, unaffected by the glares. The sounds of footsteps made the robbers whirl around to face the Titans.

"Are we going to this the easy way, or the hard way?" Cyborg stated simply. The men glanced at each other before looking at the Titans. The glance had communicated all they felt as well as their plan.

"I choose the easy way." The taller man said smoothly. His eyes stared back at the five pairs of eyes that watched him. It should have ended that way. The easy was surrender. The other way was only a bit harder for the Titans, but a lot more painful for the crooks.

The eyes of the five Titans had forgotten the shorter man. He smiled a crooked and wicked smile. If anyone had noticed, maybe this wouldn't have happened. If only one pair of eyes had stayed on that man, the crisis wouldn't have happened. It could've been avoided. But who knew 

that the men carried weapons? His hand reached for something that had been concealed in his sweatshirt.

A shot rang in the air. The sound was harsh and it hurt the ears of the Titans. Nothing could've stopped that bullet. It was a good thing the man wasn't too good of a shot. It still hit his mark, so it was good enough. The man held his gun with a confident grin. He thought the victory was assured. He didn't care if he went to jail. The job was done. He and his friend would get out of jail eventually. Their employer had promised to break them out.

"Raven!" Beast Boy shouted as the bullet hit. Her eyes widened, in pain. He hated when that look came on to her pretty face. She fell as if in slow motion before landing on the hard ground. Her cloak was wrapped around her body and already stained with blood.

--

_I couldn't see anything. I remember pain erupting from my chest and then falling. That's it. I think I might be regaining my senses, I'm not sure. My eyes won't open. Damn, why won't I wake up? What happened anyway?_

_Thump! What hit the ground? Rage is pushing at my mind, pushing for me to regain consciousness. I hear footsteps. I can't recognize who's they are. Something brushes my lips. One feathery brush that makes me feel warm. I want to see what happened. I want to wake up. But I feel like I'm falling further into the darkness. I try to open my eyes, but I can't. I can't… What…._

--

_Dear Raven,_

_I'm sorry… I'm leaving. He broke free. I lost control. The beast escaped and he did some bad things. Some very bad things… I suppose you don't know what happened. I hope no one told you yet. I want to be the one to tell you. I hope you're not angry at me. I hope you don't hate me. I wouldn't be able to live if you hated me even if I never see you again. _

_You fell. You got shot. I suppose you already know that, seeing as you felt the bullet enter you. I don't know where it hit, but I thought it hit your heart. I thought you died. Ha, I guess I forgot you're half-demon. I forgot that you would most likely be able to live. I forgot that you would enter a healing coma. You would heal, and you would be okay. _

_Seeing all that blood, and smelling it too was terrible. The beast, the one you helped me lock away, broke out. He was angry, I was angry. I didn't know what happened when I lost control. All I saw was red. I was scared, but more than that I was angry. I couldn't help it. I suppose you're wondering what happened. I haven't given you a solid answer, but I didn't believe I was capable of that. I didn't believe the beast was capable of that._

_Raven, I killed. The man who shot you was dead because of me. And the man who had been his helper. They deserved death. That's what my mind was thinking. It was terrible. As soon as the short man fell, I turned back to myself. I was exhausted and confused. I didn't know what happened. Then I looked at the blood on my hands, the fallen bodies of both men, the expressions of our friends. Robin looked shocked, Starfire was scared, and Cyborg was just staring in disbelief. They were all scared of what I was, what I am. I knew what happened when I took it all in. I killed. There is no justice for those that kill. _

_Heroes aren't supposed to kill. We capture the villains and throw them into jail. Some villains deserve death and my mind still thinks that those men deserved death. I don't care if they had families. Those men shot you and they should die. Then, there's the rational part of my mind. The part of me that knows it was wrong. They shouldn't die. They should've gone to prison and lived out the rest of their lives behind bars. They weren't even supervillians. They were just simple robbers with guns._

_The rest of the Titans were scared. I don't think they would want me on the team. I ran… I turned into a bird and flew away. I couldn't face them; I couldn't face you when you woke up. That's why I wrote this letter. I wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell you I was running away and never coming back. Maybe you'll see a flash of green once in a while. Raven, you have to forget about me. I'll live somewhere away from the world, maybe a forest. Go on with your life and let me fade away. I don't want to leave you, but I have to. I have to leave the Titans. I can't be a hero after killing two men. Those two didn't deserve death. I'll be okay. Don't worry about me. And don't look for me. _

_I have one last thing I wanted to tell you. I could never tell you in person. I was too shy, too afraid of rejection. Whenever I got close to telling you, I would look into your eyes and forget about saying it. You are beautiful, Raven. Don't let people tell you other things. I was afraid. I know you probably think I'm an annoying grass stain. I don't think you hate me anymore, but I know I'm just your annoying friend. Maybe you started hating me as you read this. I know you don't feel the same for me as I feel for you. Rae, I love you. I love you more than I've ever liked anyone else. _

_Good-bye,_

_Beast Boy_

Raven looked over the letter again. She had found the envelope next to her bed when she woke up. No one was around, so Raven opened it quickly. Her eyes ran over the letter, over the scratchy handwriting that was on the page. The scratchy handwriting that belonged to him. The letter had tears on it, fresh and old. Raven wiped her eyes. She needed to compose herself. She couldn't cry. At least no one was around.

He was wrong. She didn't hate him. She never had hated the changeling. Occasionally, she had felt like killing him, but it was only at the beginning. Raven had listened to his jokes. Most weren't funny, but a few of them had made her want to laugh. She never had. Raven had felt warm, alive, when she was with him. He made her feel better in life. It was like he was a light. A light in the dark and gloomy heart of Raven. And now he was gone.

Raven promised herself she would look for him. He couldn't have gotten too far. It wouldn't take long to find him. He wouldn't hide from her, would he? Wherever he was, Raven would find him and drag him back to the Tower. He should know that the Titans would never exile him for killing someone. They had to understand and forgive him.

The sounds of footsteps interrupted Raven's thoughts. Someone was outside the door. No, it wasn't Beast Boy. The footsteps were too heavy to be his. Raven grabbed her cloak, which had been hanging near her bed. She noticed that it was blood-free and mentally thanked whoever had put the cloak there. She wrapped it around herself, hiding the letter in its depths. She didn't want anyone to see the letter.

The door slid open and Cyborg stepped in. He had a frown on his face, but it brightened a bit when he saw that Raven was up.

"Raven, you're up." Cyborg said before noticing her red eyes. "Are you okay?" Cyborg said a look of concern had replaced the frown on his face.

"Yes, I just got shot and I'm perfectly fine." Raven said sarcastically. Cyborg smiled. It was good to see that Raven was back to normal. "How long have I been out?"

"You've been out in your self-induced coma for… 4 days."

"4 days?!" Raven shouted. It would be hard to find Beast Boy if he had a four days head start. She took a deep breath before continuing. "It took that long for my magic to heal me." Cyborg nodded.

"We were worried about you. And I don't think I've ever seen BB get that mad." Cyborg began. He sighed. "You should know what happened. BB- " Cyborg was cut off by Raven.

"I know what happened. Beast Boy… He left me a letter." Raven pulled the piece of paper from her cloak. She could trust Cyborg. She could trust any of the Titans. Cyborg took it from her and carefully began to read. Raven watched as the half-metal man kept in his tears. Finally he handed it back to her, wordlessly.

"Where did Beast Boy go? Has he come home?" Raven asked. "And did he leave anything out?"

"Beast Boy left and I don't know where he went. But he did leave something out..." Cyborg blushed softly as he remembered what Beast Boy had done. Raven waited patiently a few seconds before sighing.

"What happened?" Raven said in a controlled voice. She couldn't lose control right now. That would be unright to Cyborg. He had done nothing wrong. No one had.

"Well…He…" Cyborg looked for words to say what he needed to say. He took a gulp before saying it in one stream of words. "BBranovertoyouandkissedyou."

"What?" Raven said. Her arms were crossed. "Say it slower, so I can understand." Cyborg took a deep breath.

"Well.. BB ran over to you in his beast form. He turned back to normal. I don't recall him looking that exhausted or determined. His eyes took in everything, the dead men and all that blood. Raven, he knelt down by you… We didn't know what he was going to do, but we didn't feel the need to interrupt. We were all still shocked by the beast. Then he kissed you." Cyborg related the tale. Raven's eyes widened.

"He kissed me?" Cyborg was glad to hear that Raven wasn't angry. Her voice held more surprise than anger. She glanced back at the letter at one of the last lines. _Rae, I love you. _She could almost imagine the green shape shifter saying that. Saying that to her.

"Yes. And then he left. I thought I saw a green raven flying away two days ago. I followed to see if it was BB, but I lost it. I think he turned into a fly…" Cyborg sighed with regret. "Here's his communicator if you want it."

Cyborg handed Raven a Titan communicator. The metal casing with the T on it was the same as her own communicator. Raven ran her fingers across the cool surface. It wasn't broken though it did have a long diagonal scratch running through it. Raven traced the scratch before looking up at Cyborg. She trusted him. She needed to tell someone, but first she needed to ask him a question.

"Can you take me to the forest? And leave me there?" Raven didn't feel the strength to fly there herself. She hoped Cyborg would drive her. She hoped he would trust her to go and search for Beast Boy.

"…Yes. I know you won't do anything stupid and that you can protect yourself. Just don't get yourself lost and make sure your communicator is on." Cyborg said after a pause. It was hard to say that. It was hard to even think about dropping a friend off somewhere. Especially after losing another friend, but Cyborg knew that Raven needed to go. "Just wondering… why do you want to go alone?"

Raven leaned closer to Cyborg. She whispered the answer before adding a simple statement. It was a statement that had been on her mind for a long time. It felt good to share.

--

Raven looked up at the imposing trees that stretched high up into the air. After speaking with her friends, she had got Cyborg to drop her off in the middle of the night. Starfire would've understood why she needed to go into the forest. And why she needed to go alone. She doubted that Robin would've approved of letting her go alone. For all she knew, Robin might have wanted to bring Beast Boy to the police. Sneaking out had been the only option.

The forest was darker than Raven had imagined. The trees blocked most of the moonlight, leaving only a small trickle of light that reached the floor. It was silent too. Her footsteps sank into the moss that blanketed the forest ground. Occasionally the call of an owl would startle Raven. Beast Boy had to be here somewhere. He couldn't have disappeared and he had let slip in the letter that he might go to the forest. Raven was sure that he had gone into it.

She was deep in the forest now. Beast Boy had to be here. She would die without him. She needed him. She needed the light in her life. Darkness was tugging at her. It wanted her to forget about Beast Boy. It wanted her to forget about the light in her life. After all, she had been alive without that light for more years than she had lived with the light.

A howl broke into Raven's thoughts. She jumped a bit before a light smile came on to her face. Maybe it was Beast Boy. Shadows enveloped her as she became her raven soul-self. Quickly, Raven flew through the forest, going through the trees before halting. She was in a clearing. Her eyes had to adjust to the moonlight that was streaming into her eyes. It was a change from the darkness of the forest.

Raven landed on the edge of the clearing. A green figure sat in the very center. She couldn't help herself. It was good to see him. Well, he was a wolf, but there weren't many green wolves. Raven flew over to him and landed next to the wolf. The wolf turned to her, his green eyes widening at seeing her. It was her, not an illusion. Same purple hair, same amethyst eyes. Same Raven.

"Beast Boy… You idiot, why did you leave?" Raven said. Her voice choked and the green wolf cocked his head. He was confused. He could see tears in her eyes.

Boom! The fire of a gun echoed in the clearing. Beast Boy fell to the ground, reverting to his human form. A hand clutched the area over his heart. The bullet had been a direct hit. Boom! Raven turned her eyes to see the shooter fall to the ground. He had killed himself, he was dead. No use to go and try to destroy his body. Instead Raven knelt by Beast Boy.

"I left because… I can't be with the Titans. I killed two men who should've gone to jail. Didn't you…read the letter?" Beast Boy stuttered a bit as he spoke. The pain was growing in his chest.

"Yes I did. We wouldn't have… put you in jail. I wouldn't have let them do that." Raven said, tears starting to flow. Why did someone have to shoot Beast Boy when she had just found him? Why?

"The police would be after me… I couldn't stay." Beast Boy forced the words out. He couldn't just die without telling Raven anything. She didn't seem angry after reading his letter. Did she read all of it? Or did she choose not to respond to the part where he said he loved her?

"Here, let me heal you." Raven said. Her hands rested on Beast Boy's chest. The blood was still flowing, but Raven didn't care if it got on her hands. The white glow surrounded her hands.

"No… Don't waste your energy." Beast Boy said. "You're still weak from healing yourself and I won't let you die for me." Beast Boy lifted his hands and wrapped them around Raven's.

Raven was surprised how small her hands were under his. The touch let a small blush hover on her cheeks. Still, she knew she needed to try to heal him. She tried to rip her hands free, but Beast Boy held them tight.

"It won't be a waste. I'm not letting you die." Raven said sternly. "I need to tell you something." She said while trying to free her hands.

"The bullet was a direct hit. The hunter probably thought I was… a regular wolf… Or it was someone who was getting revenge on me for killing one of those two men…" Beast Boy said with a smile. It was funny how when you were dying you could feel so happy. "Raven… Can you lean closer to me?"

"Why?" Raven asked, but she leaned close to him anyway. Her blush brightened a few notches at being so close to his face. To his lips. "Your life isn't worthless. I can't let you die. I need to try to heal you."

"No. You can't feel the pain. You don't know how much damage there is. It won't work…." Beast Boy sighed. "Rae, can… Can I kiss you?" He forced the words out while smiling. Courage he didn't know he had was soaring through his body right now. Death was making him braver. He wouldn't have to live with rejection if, when she said no.

Raven stared into his green eyes. Her eyes were widened. She was scared, she didn't know if she could kiss him. She wanted to. That was the answer; this was no time for thinking the question over. Deep inside, Raven knew that she wouldn't be able to ever feel the touch of his lips again if she backed away. It was now or never.

Raven closed the gap between their mouths, surprising Beast Boy who had been waiting for a no. Their tongues mingled as Beast Boy parted his lips. It was almost like the pain didn't exist as the girl kissed him. It was better than he could ever have thought. Darkness was starting to spread across Beast Boy's vision. He could feel his heart slowing and his brain starting to shut off.

Raven pulled away from Beast Boy. The kiss; that kiss was the best thing she had ever felt. Raven felt happiness, despair, love, and loneliness. Tears were streaming down her face. A few 

trees in the clearing had exploded, leaving chips of wood and sap everywhere. Another couple of trees had been ripped out of the ground. Raven took a deep breath to compose herself.

"Beast Boy… I love you." Raven said before looking at his face. There was a smile on his face, but his eyes were closed. His chest was no longer rising and falling. Tears pricked at Raven's eyes. He hadn't heard the words she had wanted to tell him. "Why couldn't you let me heal you?" Raven shouted at the unmoving body. Her fists pounded on his chest, willing him to come back to life. A scream similar to the shriek of a raven ripped from her throat, a scream of pain and of longing. The scream awoke three Titans and a lot more families that ran to comfort their kids.

"Beast Boy… Why?"

--

**Author's Notes: Wow, this was pretty depressing to write. This is most likely my most depressing story ever. I know it's a little OOC and I'm sorry about that. I'm still learning to write with the Teen Titans. If you have any advice, I'd love to hear it. I'm planning to write a Titans chapter story soon. Starring Raven, Beast Boy, and Malchior! Please review!**

_**Twilight Phantom Dragon**_


End file.
